Love Letter No20, around ONE secret date she had, after 4th brake up.
My Dear Svetlana,
I will not write any more bad emails to you I think you have had enough of this to probably last you a life time. I know you are a smart woman and also that sometimes we have to try to stand back and have a look at our own actions and how this affects people around us. I will try to tell my story and see if this makes sense to you. Think like it is not you I am writing about but another woman and this may just give you some distance, understanding and clarity.
We have become very close over the past 5 months and with this closeness also come new expectations on your partner. You have them on me now and I have them on you.
It comes back in my opinion in most cases to trusting the other person and trust comes from action the other person does.
I was committed to you after our second date and I did not look at another woman let alone go out with anyone else as I was serious about you and wanted us to work out. I can only concentrate on one relationship at a time and I think this is true for almost all people. Now of course no one knows in the beginning if it is going to work out with that person but that’s the reason you start seeing them and hope that you will have things in common and see the good in the other person. You have to have a positive attitude towards this and hope it will be good in the end.
Starting off a new relationship honesty is key so the level of trust can be built up quickly and not questioned.
I of course thought after Paris that we were a proper couple and things were going great. You introduced me to your friends and it was all going well. We decided to go to Surfers for the weekend and I booked and paid for holiday to Hawaii so in my opinion it was all good and not looking that anything was wrong. I did not even think for one moment that there was any secrets at that time between us.
I of course had one big one which was my marriage status which was bothering me a lot and felt that I had to tell you this sooner rather than later. However once I found out that your age was not 30 but 34 and you had been married before also I thought that maybe you are not all that it seems. Maybe you have a side that is not that honest and straight forward that I first thought but I thought to myself I also have this secret and I do not think I am a bad person.
You made it clear to me second week we were going out that you were not seeing anyone else and after this I did not question this again as I had no reason to. You seemed very much available to me when ever I wanted to see you so it did not occur to me at all that you may be going out and seeing someone else.
So this brings me to the night at the end of November when I texted you and asked how you were going. I had previously been to your place on the Monday for dinner and you said that on the Tuesday you would be home to pack and book tickets for your Brisbane trip. So I sent you the message around 7.30pm I think it was and you returned the message around 8.30pm saying you were great just finishing booking and packing. I then went to text you back straight away but changed my mind and decided to call you instead which was not something we normally did at that time as we normally just texted each other your phone was ringing and then went to message bank. At first I thought that you probably had just gone to the toilet and would call me back within a few minutes. Now the time went for maybe 20 minutes so I started to call you again and it went to message bank again. I then texted you asking what is going on. No answer so my mind started thinking and subconscious started working overtime. I thought one hour later still no return on phone that you are not home. So I thought why would you say you are home when you are not. Instantly I thought then that you are out with a man. First thought that came to me. You are hiding from me and you can not return my call or text message because you are with a date. I knew straight away it was not a friend because you would have texted or called me back even in front of this person but you did not. I was then also sure that you had texted me from the bathroom or when the man had gone to do something. You were hiding from him about me.
I thought that maybe this is just something I am making up in my mind and I am wrong. Maybe something actually happened to you and you were in some stupid accident at home or something. After maybe just over an hour I thought I have to go and see what happened to you so I jumped in my car and drow to your place. I felt bad and not right and just had this funny feeling that something was not right. You not calling or texting back just did not make sense. Once I got to your place I could see your car in your garage but you still did not answer your phone so I thought that you are definitely out but someone has picked you up.
It just then clicked to me that you are out on another date. This is not a friend because a friend you would tell me about. Why would you not because if it was a girl you had no trouble telling me who you were seeing but this time it was a male and not just a friend again because you were hiding from me there was something wrong here.
Not long after I could see you come home with a man and rest is history. Of course when I called you then from my car you started off by saying that you had been home all this time and just your computer was slow. But as the conversation went on I wanted to tell you what I had seen but wanted you to come clean and tell me. I knew at this point you were actually lying to me and I got very upset. I could not believe that after 3 months you were actually out with another man. Of course at the end of the day I finished with you then as you were lying to me and then you actually came clean in one way saying it was just a friend and you had to eat but you never wanted to say who it was not even a name. Now if it had been a true male friend you would have said his name and who he was but you did not. This just confirmed to me that it was a date. My trust level for you at this point went down to zero.
I know I was joking abut this to you in surfers and I kind of let it go and thought I will try to believe it was just a friend but in the back of my mind I just knew it was not, I said to myself the day I tell you about my marriage status then I have to find out who this person was. Was I wrong and was it actual just a friend or was it more. It just came back to me last week when I was away again and I had nights by myself and lots of time to think that this night and your action only pointed towards one thing. It was a date. Also your drink driving was behind you so I thought now was the time to bring it up again but this time properly. I used to do this with my sales people as they were always known for lying and not having the amount of appointments they said they had so I used to check on them. Get mobile phone statement and text message statements and find out exactly where they were and if it matched their stories. Most of the sales guys never planed that I would do this so they got caught out and then I fired them. Not going to have dishonest liars around me ever not in my business and not in my private life.
So I decided to bring this up again on the Friday and really make a point of it on Saturday. This time I thought I had to find out exactly who this person was and I would not back down until you told me. Hey if it actually was a friend of course you would tell me I knew you would.
I got very upset with you then thinking how you can treat me like this after everything I have done for you. Paid out so much money on your behalf supported you through your hard times and not expecting anything in return except some information and your love.
Again then back at your place you said you would not tell me so I got again very upset with you and left your apartment.
In the morning I decided to write you letter saying I need to know now who this person is. You kept on ignoring my request and in my mind it became now even more clear that not only was this not a friend it was a very important person and maybe the situation was even worse than I first thought.
I then spoke to Phill on Monday about this and he said straight away that she is hiding a boyfriend from you. If she is prepared to loose you over this then she has something big she is hiding and she is afraid that you will find out and break up with her.
I was now certain that this was not only a proper date but it was someone you had been seeing for sometime and you could not let me know this.
This then become so serious to me that you were double dating me not only just this one time you were actually also seeing another person at the same time and he also did not know about me.
Wow I thought I now know what has been going on this now all makes perfect sense. So it was one big aha moment.
So this was now in my mind. Even after many more emails and you still not wanting to tell me I decided to end it. it as obviously this secret was so big that you knew it would break us up. So I did break up and then just said to you that this was always in your hands.
You thought I was crazy had mental problems but when you read this now like a book maybe you can see it is not crazy or I do not have mental issue I actually have a brain that can think very clearly and put one plus one together and come up with two.
The worst type of people I know are the people that date more than one person at a time and now I thought to myself I am involved with one of these people I can not believe it.
In the end when it was all over you kind of told me a little about this person and still you tell me it was just a friend but your actions just still did not match this so I still could not believe this so I got again very angry at you trying to lie to me and deceive me again.
Someone I now loved very much and was planning a future with was lying to me to my face I just could not believe it I got so disappointed. I thought I could not be with you anymore but I still thought I did not know the whole truth. I still did not know this persons name. Why would you not tell me.
I still wanted to know who this very important person was that you were protecting. You said he now had a girlfriend which made sens that he was single then when you were going out but his situation had changed as you had not seen him for long time as you said. So again the little information you actually gave me was like a puzzle.
Why am I so obsessed about this as you would say well simple it is my life we are talking about the rest of my life and I have a saying in my office that’s says “be very careful who you choose as a partner as 90% of your happiness or misery comes from this one decision alone”. It is a powerful statement and very true.
This is my story my love Svetlana yes I am obsessed about this because it is probably the most important decision I will ever make and I must be sure it is right. I make a mistake now and pick the wrong person I might live to regret this. We have child or children etc ( he is 47 y.old men still talking about children together ?) and then I am in deep trouble so yes I am obsessed and maybe even a little mental about this as the decision is the most important one I will ever make so of course I am investing much of my thinking time about this decision.
I love you and still want to give you the benefit of a doubt. But things would have to change. I would need to know about you and what you do. I need to know who you actually are in more detail. You can not continue to live like a single person it does not work for me.I feel that I probably do not know it all today. This is the reason for my last email and yes maybe it looks very hard and as you said a prison but I actually do not think so.
I now need to know who this one person is in detail. I need to establish what you were doing at this time and your thought patterns. You still telling me he was just a close friend but again I find it hard to believe. I so wish I am wrong and I really want you to prove me wrong. This is why I need to know his name and I want to speak with him. I know how I would do this without making him or you uncomfortable. But then I would know after this that I am sure. So it would then be clear completely. Either you were telling me the truth or you still continuing to lie.
So you can now take this letter to your doctor and see what she says. I do not think it sounds that crazy or that I have mental problems.
It keeps on coming back to the same conclusion unfortunately. He was someone important in your life.
All I can say is please prove me wrong so we can continue our relationship I need to know do you not understand this. This is so important to me it is my life you are playing with. My whole future is on the line and yours.
This is all I wanted to say. This is the whole truth and nothing but the truth. As I said also today my settlement letter will be ready latest Friday this week you seen copy of email so you can see I am doing what I said I was doing. I am getting a divorce so you do not need to worry about this either anymore.
That’s all my love. I have tried to keep my anger and disappointment out of this letter but instead tried to tell my story from where I am sitting. If there is someway you can understand where I am coming from then this would be great, I know in my heart that you are smart woman and you understand perfectly well what I am saying but just some of your lawyer background is clouding you judgement a little.
So I will now be here waiting for you if you want. I certainly will not rush into another relationship I could not do that until I was over you and I do not know how long that would take. Not ready for long time need a real break from the dating scene.
So take your time think about this deeply. This is a very important decision for you and for me. It is our future and it could be excellent and I think you know this to.